Three weeks of absolute chaos. A midterm election looming, unnecessary war, and killings and terror on the streets overseas and here in the States. The beginning of the school semester, kind yet needy students, I’m attempting to fulfill the needs of them all. I am behind on lesson planning, worksheet building, emergency learning materials, phone calls, and emails. The To-Do list extends into the next week.
Another lockdown drill today. Another fire drill. Another lunch uneaten. Another afternoon of medical shots, meetings, community service, and group texts from work. I want to see the woods, but I don’t have time right now.
Gaining weight, losing weight, gaining weight, losing weight. Stress eating and taking a risk drinking coffee. Dinner must be cooked, but I’m too tired. I order instead, but now I’m over budget. Another bill. The lawn is overgrown. My garden is holding on for dear life. Most things are dying. It’s too hot to go outside. Climate change is killing us. Coral reefs are bleaching. The crabs on my beach are disappearing. I can smell wildfire smoke from Canada.
My stomach hurts, my stomach cramps. I get relief for a day, then it returns. My ankles hurt, and other joints and bones hurt for no reason. I got two more piercings because they hurt in a good way: it’s pain I can control.
I wonder if a family member of mine is developing dementia or Alzheimer’s because his memory is so goddamn bad… or if he’s so tired of life that he chooses very little to care about.
I have more yesterdays than tomorrows, but I still feel okay. 👌🏾
Will we run out of money, food, and supplies as the war we started continues? Will we run out of oil and reserves? Will there be another winter of Arctic blasts, heating bills of over $500, and will the bus drivers go on strike? Will I die before I’m published? Am I running out of time?
I hate phones. I hate AI. I hate how sick my country makes us when it doesn’t have to be this way. I want chocolate, and I want vegetables. Screw the mindless and the evil and the billionaires. They have no real purpose or shame, so they create misery—even within themselves.
I am desperate to recalibrate. I want to just hug a tree.
